The best way to talk about drugs with teenagers

by druginc

The best way to talk about drugs with teenagers

The United Kingdom has seen a sharp increase in the use of drugs by teenagers in recent years: the NHS reports that 37% of 15 year-olds has used drugs and that the number of deaths from drug use has been highest since the records in 1993 started. Meanwhile thousands of children involved in drug trafficking through 'provincial lines': gangs who use them to transport drugs and cash from the capital to regional cities.

And for parents, the stakes may never have been so high. Negotiating parenting in such a context is difficult to say the least and can make parents uncertain about what they are doing right now, what they should do and make them feel that they have little control over the situation.

Against all instincts that you have as a parent for your child

Experts in the use of teen drugs tell us it's about informed choices. They advise accepting that as parents we probably cannot stop our teenage children from doing what they choose, and so the best approach seems to be to make sure they have the correct information and that they are open with you as the parent (s) keep discussing. In this way, as parents, we can help reduce harm by making sure teens are aware of the risks and what to do if they need help.

Although this is indeed excellent advice, it is difficult for many parents to live by. An ongoing study looks at the experiences of parents whose children use drugs. They appreciate the way practitioners can talk to their teenagers and understand the value of the recommended harm reduction approach.

In spite of this, parents seem to react in a different way: rather, they do not want to tolerate anything and rather do not want to pass on “harm reduction”, or limit the possible harm to their child. They tend to keep their children at home and, for example, put their pocket money in to put extra pressure. There are common stories where the sanctions by the parents are being increased more and more, but in fact nothing has happened and one ends up in an endless cycle of panic and rebellion.

Parents' actions seemed to reflect how things had been before drugs, when their children were even younger. They talk about the situation when their children were still at home, safe and without money or opportunities to buy drugs. These parents speak of the desire for a simpler society; less materialistic, less risky for their child. They feel left in the dark and cannot assess the danger.

This is not surprising. The idea that we can sit down quietly and rationally and explain to our children how to take drugs safely, overlooks a bundle of emotional problems. As parents, we are programmed to protect our children, where possible to avoid danger, and to encourage active behavior that meets school and society's expectations. But your relationship with your child is the most important here, so try to set aside all social expectations and focus on what is really important.

Conduct calm conversations, keep communication between parent and child as open as possible

Talking to your children about drugs is emotionally demanding. So here are some things to look out for if you are a parent who is confronted with this mystery. The important thing here is to try to stop focusing on problems by looking for solutions:

  1. Talk when you're calm. Knowing that your child is taking drugs is a difficult experience and expecting that you will always remain calm is an extra pressure that you do not need. But choosing when to talk can help. The parents all said the same thing: talk when you are calm and they are calm. Then you can talk and listen well.
  2. Listen for the reason - this isn't just about the drugs, it's about the motivation for your kids to take them. That motivation will be the biggest obstacle to changing the pattern, so listen carefully to that part of the story.
  3. Note the moments when you both do not think about the drugs, and the tension that it causes you. Put a little more emphasis on those exceptions, so that positive moments get at least as much recognition, if not more, than the drugs.
  4. Have fun. If this means that you have to avoid the subject for a while, do it. Do something different and lighthearted. Talk about something other than drugs and any fall-out, such as bad behavior or school issues. Having fun together is one of the best things we can do to increase resilience, especially when relationships come under pressure. It is also one of the first things that we neglect to prioritize.
  5. If you think about the last moment you had when things were more positive, when your child spoke to you in a less angry way, or you did this yourself, you may also be able to recognize the difference this caused. Repeat, reflect and move the focus to lower the temperature in those heated conversations. It takes immense effort - but in any tense situation there will be a ray of hope.
  6. Show your child how much you care and that your concerns and actions are evidence of this. Recognize that drug use is a much bigger problem than informed choice and control. If you can stay in this realm, you can constantly evolve, maintain, and provide further the bond and attachment with your child that your child needs.

Read more at QZ (EN, source) and TheConversation (EN, source)

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